


What I Did for Lil

by bluecinderella4



Category: Hannah Montana (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 06:06:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4089844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluecinderella4/pseuds/bluecinderella4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sorry if the title sucks. This is a Hannah Montana story set to at least 2 of the last 3 episodes of How I Met Your Mother season 7. Lilly and Oliver are expecting a baby and Oliver is driving Lilly crazy. So she convinces Rico to take Oliver to Vegas for the weekend to get a little relaxation time. Meanwhile, Miley and Jackson had a big fight and aren't speaking to each other. But when Lilly goes into labor and Oliver can't be reached, the two siblings have to come together for the sake of their friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Your Wife is Very Persuasive

**Miley Montana's Blog: June 5, 2016**

**Hey ya'll, Miley here. Okay, the last few days have been so amazingly dramatic (and I'm not talkin' bout the time I was both me and Hannah Montana doin' that evil twin thing on the soap opera** _All My Generally Restless Lives_ **). I just can not wait to tell you ev'rythin' that's happened, but I don't really know where to start.**

**But I guess it really started when my brother Jackson and I got into a(nother) fight. I don't really remember what we said, but whatever we said was one of the last things we said 'cause we hadn't said anythin' to each other since.**

**Okay, I hope I didn't confuse ya'll. Basically Jackson and I had a fight, we said some pretty hurtful things about the other person, and then we weren't speakin' to each other.**

**But this isn't really 'bout me and Jackson. This week was all about my best friends, Lilly and Oliver. If you follow my blog you know I have a separate section for posts 'bout my best friends/fav'rite couple. From things that happened with them before I started my Miley/Hannah blog, them movin' in together, Lilly goin' to college to become a teacher, Oliver's band hittin' it big, Lilly and Oliver breakin' up, Lilly and Oliver makin' up, the two of them gettin' engaged, Lilly gettin' that kindergarten teacher job, their weddin' (which I was maid of honor BTW), and then the biggest news of all: Lilly and Oliver were havin' a baby (my future godchild)! Now they don't know what they're havin' and all we really know is the baby's comin' 'round the first day of summer (Lilly's due date's June 22nd** **). Plus you know I got a few other mini things 'bout them I wrote, but of course nothin' compares with the baby news. I mean my longtime best friends are startin' a family together, can you believe it?**

**So anyway, Lilly and Oliver were like three weeks away from havin' their baby when they FINALLY had their baby shower on May 31st (which was a day when ev'ryone was pretty much available). I know if I close my eyes I can picture ev'rythin' in my head...**

May 31st, 2016

Jackson Stewart rolled a stroller down the hall to Lilly and Oliver's apartment. A heavily pregnant Lilly answered the door. "Hey ya'll!" Jackson looked around at the remnants of a party in the living room, "Oops, am I a little late for the baby shower?"

"Yeah, like three hours late," Lilly stepped aside to give Jackson room to come in. "I get the feeling someone is trying to avoid his sister."

Jackson gave his trademark, "Pfft," that he used whenever he was obviously lying or trying to hide something. "Lilly, Lilly, Lilly, that is so _not_ the reason. I was late 'cause I spent the last couple of hours readying the perfect gift fer my soon-to-be godchild," Jackson gestured to his gift. A stroller with blue lining and a red bow adorned atop it. Lilly then titled her head toward a very similar stroller with a bow in the corner, but with red lining instead of a blue. "Miley was here already wasn't she?"

_Earlier_

_Miley entered Lilly and Oliver's apartment wheeling in her baby shower gift ( _a red-lined stroller with a bow atop_ ). She let out a (fake) gasp as a pajama-clad Lilly struggled to keep her eyes open. "Oh no, am I early?"_

Jackson bit his lip trying to think of what to say. "I see she got you the red stroller. Looks like I just _blue_ her out of the water." He was the only one to laugh at his pun.

Oliver, meanwhile, was the only one straightening up the living room. "So I take it you and Miley are _still_ fighting?"

"Yeah, and I'm sorry I didn't show up earlier, but I don't know if I'm ready to face Miley just yet—at least not in front of a buncha people."

"I totally get it," Lilly gestured for Oliver to help sit her on the couch. "This is like when my parents divorced. There's always a long period of fighting, but I'm okay with it as long as the expensive gifts keep coming." Jackson couldn't help but smile. "It'll be okay; you guys will work everything out, you always do."

"I know, but we said some pretty mean things to each other."

"Like what?"

Jackson did that 'pfft' thing again. "Like things I don't wish to repeat in front of my future godchild."

"You don't even remember do you?" Oliver deadpanned.

"I do not, no."

"Is there anything Oliver and I can do to help you guys patch everything up?" Lilly inquired.

"Something that hopefully doesn't require us putting in much physical effort," Oliver added. "We have to take it easy, we are in our last trimester after all."

Lilly quirked a brow at him. "We?" Oliver bit his lip and backed away.

"Thanks for the offer guys," Jackson thanked, "but we all know this is somethin' Miley and I need to work out together as brother and sister, with no help from anyone else."

…

**As much as I love it whenever I'm right, I had to admit that this time Jackson was right. That's probably why I'm a little embarrassed about this next part...**

"Daddy, do what it is you do to get yer kids to stop fightin'," Miley was practically begging.

Robby Ray wasn't really to keen on this idea. "Oh, all of a sudden my grown up, _adult_ children're kids again who need Daddy to solve all their problems?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

Robby Ray lowered his head and 'tsked'. "Miley, Miley, Miley,"

"Daddy, aren't we a lil' old for the three Miley deal? I mean, isn't that a little childish?"

"I dunno; isn't havin' yer Daddy fightin' all your battles a little childish?"

Miley winced. "I shoulda known you would use that against me."

"Bud, I love ya, and I love yer brother, but I'm not gonna get involved."

"Can't you at least find some common ground for Jackson and I to fix everythin'?"

"Nope, this is all you and Jackson. Ya'll gotta find yer own place to work outcha yer differences…just so long as you don't do it at my house."

…

 **By the next day…or two, I still didn't have the guts to contact Jackson. I mean, it's gentlemen-like for the guy to make the first move (then again, Jackson's not your typical gentleman). I did, however, call Lilly for a BFF-Girl Chat at** _**Rico's Bar and Grill** _ **.**

**(And honestly, how many businesses is that boy's billionaire daddy gonna keep buyin' him?)**

Miley was watching Lilly scarf down a helping of extra cheesy nachos with slight disgust. "Hungry much?" Lilly nodded as she crunched and then shoved some more nachos in her mouth. "Maybe next time we have our BFF-Girl Chat we do it someplace without food."

Lilly swallowed. "I'm sorry Miley but I really needed this. Oliver's got me eating super healthy now and I miss my sweets and snacks," She chugged down water from her water bottle. "I love Oliver, and I love that we're having a baby, but the dude seriously needs to chill."

"Oh come on, he's not so bad. At least he's not one of them cheesy paranoid expectant fathers you see on them lame TV sitcoms."

"Well he wasn't until he flipped the wall calendar yesterday and realized it was June. He started freakin' out about the baby coming. It's like all of a sudden he hit a panic button and he thinks he's not ready."

"What?"

"I know! We learned all this stuff in that childcare class in April and now he's afraid he's just gonna forget everything. Since yesterday morning he's started what he calls his 'Papa Preparations'. He's been rereading all the books, watching some weird European breast-feeding documentaries, and when I woke up from my nap yesterday, he had swaddled me."

"He swaddled you?"

"Like a burrito! Ooh, speaking of which can you get me a burrito?"

"No," Lilly whined as she gave Miley the puppy dog pout. "Really Lilly, that might've worked when we were teenagers, but now-" Lilly sat back and pointed to her large bump all the while whining and puppy dog pouting. "Okay, fine, I'll get you a burrito."

Lilly clapped her hands in delight. Not too long after, Miley returned with a burrito. "YUM!" which Lilly promptly began devouring.

"So the whole swaddlin' thing's a lil' messed up, but I don't really see a downside to bein' covered in a cozy blanket while I sleep. I'm sure you were a comfy burrito."

Lilly made some kind of noise of agreement before swallowing her burrito. "Okay, yeah, it was one of the best sleeps I've had. I give him credit for the swaddling, but I still think it's weird that he did that to me."

"He means well."

"I didn't tell you the worst part."

"There's a _worst_ part?"

"Remember back in middle school when he worked with 'Saint' Sarah on that one particular assignment?"

"Oh no, don't tell me he brought back the flour sack child."

"Not exactly."

_Earlier_

_Oliver and Lilly were in bed around two in the morning when an obnoxiously loud alarm woke them from their sleep. "What's going on? Are we under attack or something?" While her husband got out of bed, Lilly realized she had been swaddled in her blanket (again) and put up a brief struggle with said blanket before getting out of bed and joining Oliver in the nursery. "Oliver what's going on?"_

" _I rigged an alarm to go off every three hours," he casually explained._

" _You did what now?"_

" _I'm training myself for the sporadic sleep patterns of early parenthood."_

" _Oliver-"_

" _Now if you'll excuse me, I have a practice baby to soothe."_

" _Oh God, not another flour sack child."_

" _Flour sack child?" Oliver scoffed. "Please Lilly, that is_ so _junior high." Oliver scooped up a large watermelon with a hat on from the baby's crib and began talking baby talk to it._

"Okay yeah, that's a lil' disturbin'," Miley agreed. "You have got to tell Oliver to chill out."

"Do I?" Lilly raised her eyebrow as if she was hinting something.

"Alright fine, you tell Oliver to cool his jets and I'll try and make amends with Jackson."

"Deal; but can we do it tomorrow morning?"

"One more swaddle?"

"It's just so comfortable."

…

When Lilly came home, Oliver was standing in the center of the living room cradling the watermelon baby- who was not only wearing a hat, but also a diaper. "Oh look baby," Oliver was talking to the watermelon, "Mommy's back from the _bar_."

"And grill," Lilly sassily added.

"Well now I can take my shower," he passed the watermelon to Lilly.

"Why does this diaper smell?" As Oliver began to talk, she cut him off. "You know what, I don't want to know." She threw the watermelon aside. "Oliver, sit down we need to talk." She gestured for him to help her sit down (which he did before joining her on the couch). "Look, I know you mean well, but we've got three weeks until the baby comes."

"More like twenty days!"

"Can't we use this time just to relax? We know how all this stuff works and if we forgot, then we'll figure it out after the baby comes."

" _After_ the baby comes?"

"Yeah, we'll learn on the job."

Oliver gasped. "Learn on the job?"

"What better way to learn than learn from experience?"

"Maybe the crisis here isn't that I'm not ready to be dad, it's that you're not ready to be a mom."

Lilly shot him an ' _oh no you didn't_ ' type look. "Excuse me?"

**So now there was a new argument, this time between Lilly & Oliver. I know this 'cause an angry Lilly came over to my place last night. Being the nice person that I am, I called Oliver to let her know she was with me and tried to get some info out of him about the fight. The details of said fight are still unclear. It's kinda a he-said/she-said thing right now. Like Oliver swears he never said…**

" _I feel like I'm the only one making sacrifices for this baby! It's like you don't even know that you're pregnant."_

**...and Lilly insists she didn't say…**

" _Babies are not that hard to take care of. You just watch them be cute and feed 'em spaghetti."_

**...but they both agree that this is how the argument ends**

" _Oliver, what I need is some peace, some quiet, and—now that it's out there—some spaghetti! Now please help me off the couch so I can storm out!" Oliver did just that as Lilly angrily waddled out of their apartment._

**So after a quick spaghetti dinner at my place, Oliver and Lilly did make up and go back home. Lilly even told him 'bout some 'Baby Boot Camp' seminar at some hotel in Carson City and suggested they go.**

"This is gonna be great," an excited Oliver was putting a car seat in the back of their car. "I mean, you know at this seminar there's gonna be that one guy who claims he's 'Mr. Parenting Expert' and keeps interrupting everybody with his own 'important facts'...and you are going to be sitting next to him. And by him, I mean me."

"Yeah, I kinda figured that one out," Lilly rolled her eyes when Oliver wasn't looking. "And as much fun as that sounds I think we should hold off with that kind of talk until we get to the hotel."

"Well that'll be a boring car ride."

"You won't notice when you sleep through it."

"Come again?"

"Face it Ollie-Pop, you haven't really been getting any sleep and the last thing you need is to be driving all day. Why don't you get some sleep and I'll drive."

"I know I shouldn't let you drive, but you're right Lilly-Pop. I am a little tired," Oliver let out a massive yawn as he entered the passenger side. "The last thing we need is for me to get behind the wheel and-" Oliver didn't complete his thought because the moment he sat down, he started snoring.

**Of course Oliver was pretty excited 'bout this. But there was one thing Lilly might've forgot to mention...**

Oliver smiled as he began regaining consciousness. "Hmm, Lilly-Pop you smell like apples." He began to stir but still didn't open his eyes. "I can't wait til we get to our hotel room, get on the bed and-"

"Whoa, whoa!" this was not Lilly's voice. "Let's keep it family-friendly here."

Now Oliver's eyes were open. "Rico?" Rico smirked at him before reaching for something in the glove compartment. "Rico, what is going on? Where is Lilly? And-" Oliver let out a high pitched scream when he noticed what Rico was snacking on. "-what did you do to the practice baby?" Oliver paused. "And is there any left?"

Rico handed Oliver a melon slice. "Relax Chucklehead; this was all Lilly's idea. She was worried about ya and thought you needed to unwind."

"And you're here because?"

"Because I'm taking you to Vegas, baby!"

Oliver blinked in confusion. "Right, and you're here because?"

Rico sighed. "Because your wife is very persuasive okay!"

_Earlier_

" _Rico," Lilly waddled up to the counter at_ Rico's Surf Shop _(Rico's daytime business), "can you do me a big favor?"_

" _I don't do charity," Rico refused._

" _It's not charity. I need you to drive Oliver to Vegas for the weekend." Rico made a noise of suspicion. "Nothing's going on; I just think a fun little weekend with the guys will do him some good."_

" _So why isn't Jackson going?"_

" _Because you got me workin' a double shift this weekend," Jackson lamented as he lugged in more heavy supplies. "And no, don't help me carry all this stuff."_

" _I wasn't going to."_

" _I didn't want to invite Jackson," Lilly told him. "I figured Jackson could use this time to make up with Miley."_

" _So you want me to take your husband to Las Vegas?" Lilly nodded. "What's in it for me?"_

" _Rico, you know I don't have anything to offer."_

" _Then no deal. And that whiny puppy dog pout ain't gonna work on me Toots!" Lilly tried it anyway. "Not gonna happen!" She whined, pointed, and pointed to her distended stomach. "Are you pimping out your kid for your own selfish needs?" That got Lilly to stop. "Told you it wouldn't work."_

" _I guess you're right. It's not like I'm an emotional, hormonal wreck and can easily bring on the tears."_

 _Rico's eyes widened._ " _You wouldn't?"_

" _I don't see why me bursting out into tears crying about how my husband's boss, one Rico of_ Rico's Surf Shop _, can_ _'t let him go on a vacation he's been planning to take before the birth of his first child—a birth he may miss because his boss won't give him a day off."_

" _You're bluffing!"_

" _Am I?"_

" _Besides, I told him he could take the week off when you do give birth."_

" _But who are your paying customers gonna believe? The mean, spoiled little man who runs the restaurant, or the sad, blubbering mess of a pregnant lady?"_

_Rico huffed at her. "Well played Lillian; I must say, you've impressed me."_

" _So you'll do it?"_

" _If I do, I'm gonna dock him three days' pay."_

" _I guess I'll be cool with that if you make me cookies too."_

" _Deal," they shook on it._

Oliver was still in disbelief. "So there's no Baby Boot Camp at the Paramis Waldorf in Carson City?" Rico shook his head. "There is no Paramis Waldorf is there?"

Another head shake. "Nope."

"I bet there's not even a Carson City!"

"And I bet you failed geography class."

"Oh man, I'm so mad at Lilly right now!"

"She figured you would be," Rico reached in the back seat. "So she told me to give you this," he handed Oliver a t-shirt.

"Aww," he held up the _Radiohead Sucks_ t-shirt, "it's my 'mad at Lilly' shirt. Whenever I wear it, it drives her crazy." Oliver made an evil face. "I hope she's miserable without me."

_As this was going on with Rico and Oliver, a very happy Lilly was resting comfortably on the couch with her feet up and pigging out on cookies._

Once they made it to Vegas, Rico and Oliver were at a craps table engaged in conversation. "I guess I have been going a tad overboard with my 'Papa Preparations', huh?" Oliver inquired.

"Dude, you diapered a watermelon," Rico reminded.

"Okay, maybe I did go a little crazy."

"Yeah, but the good kind of crazy." Rico noticed Oliver take out his phone. "Whoa, hey, what are you doing?"

"I was gonna call and check in on Lilly."

"Uh, no. The whole point of me dragging you to Vegas against your will was to give your wife some peace and quiet while giving you a nice little vacation at the same time. Besides, don't people usually go on vacation to escape their current lives?"

"Yeah, well I like my current life. I'm married to my best friend and we're gonna have a baby. How cool is that?"

"Not as cool as winning a fortune in Las Vegas." Oliver ignored him and went back to his phone. "Can you at least turn off your phone for an hour?"

"I dunno. What if-"

Rico pulled something out of his shirt pocket. That something was a tie decorated with rubber ducks. "Do you see this hideous ducky tie?" Oliver nodded. "I was planning on getting you super drunk so I could put this on you for humiliating, blackmail purposes."

"As you do."

"But if you give me one full hour without phones where you get super drunk, then I, RICO, will wear this god-awful excuse for an accessory."

"Okay, but why do I need to get drunk?"

"Because you're hilarious when you get drunk and become 'Beercules'."

"I thought we agreed never to speak of that again."

"Agree to my deal and we won't."

"Promise you won't film me if I get drunk?"

Rico expressed his disappointment. "Aww."

"Rico!"

"Okay, fine." Oliver handed Rico his phone, Rico put on the embarrassing tie, and then he flagged down the waitress. "'Scuse me Toots," he slid her a $100 bill. "I'd like 100 shots of Tequila for my friend here and your finest cherry coke." Oliver gave him a strange look. "I may be a gorgeous, rich, evil twenty year old, but I still respect the law."

...

**So while all this was goin' on with Rico and Oliver, I was still bummin' over me not bein' brave enough to make amends with my brother. So after spendin' some time by myself, I decided to pay Lilly a visit.**

**And as I got to her apartment, who should pull up but...**

"Jackson?" Miley was surprised to see her brother park his car in front of Lilly and Oliver's apartment.

"Miles?"

"Jackson, I'm kinda glad I ran into you. I've been tryin' to find the guts to tell ya that we need to talk."

"I agree witcha Miles, but I don't think now's a good time."

"Why not?"

...

"Well, it's been an hour my drunken friend," Rico handed an inebriated Oliver his phone back. "A deal's a deal." When Oliver took his phone, he tried to put it in his mouth. "No, no, don't do that." He noticed the notifications on Oliver's phone. "Looks like your wife's been trying to call you." Rico then looked at his phone. "Huh, she tried calling me too; I got 17 missed calls and a couple of voicemails from her. Listen, you go back to your game and I'll see what your Mrs. wants." Rico stepped aside to listen to his first voicemail.

_"Rico, it's Lilly," Lilly's voice was obviously trying to stay calm. "So funny story, I'm kinda, sorta in labor and I need you and Oliver to get back to Malibu right away."_

Rico's jaw nearly hit the floor. He quickly glanced over to a drunken Oliver throwing chips around the table shouting, 'ALL HAIL BEERCULES!' before uttering, "Uh-oh."

**Yep, Lilly's in labor! Apparently she started havin' contractions 'round the time Rico and Oliver turned their phones off. So Lilly was leavin' messages that started out calm...**

_"Hey Ollie-Pop, it's Lilly-Pop. I uh...I think I'm in labor."_

**...then she left those messages where she was tryin' to stay cool, but you could tell somethin' was wrong.**

_"Ollie-Pop, where are you? Please call me."_

**...then she got a tad more frantic...**

_"Okay Oliver this is the real deal and you really need you to call me back_ right now _."_

**...and finally, our sweet little Lilly unleashed the Krakken.**

_"Oliver Oscar Oken, if you're trying to get back at me you have chosen a WILDLY inappropriate way of doing so!"_

**And during this time, her Ollie-Pop went from somewhat drunk...**

_Oliver was struggling to sit up, the effects of ten tequila shots. "Rico man, we should do this_ every _weekend!"_

**...to 'Beercules'**

_"Bro, bro," Oliver was slurring his words while an amused Rico was resisting the urge to pull out his camera, "my friend Rico here is the manager of the Paramis Waldorf. You come to the Paramis we will hook you up!"_

_"We'll even give you a discount if you mention 'Beercules'," Rico jokingly added._

**Yeah, my best girl friend was 'bout to give birth and none of us could get a hold of her baby daddy. And the only ones who were able to be with Lilly were me and the brother I wasn't talkin' to.**

**When I made a list of things I wanted to do on a Friday night, this was obviously NOT on it.** **But Lilly needed me and I had to suck it up for her sake.**

**And boy howdy were we in fer one heckuva night.**

_**to be continued...** _


	2. Storytime with Miley and Jackson

**Wow, this post is already on its second page (stupid word limit). So where'd I leave off? J** **ackson and I were fightin', Oliver was drivin' Lilly crazy, Lilly weaseled Rico into takin' Oliver to Las Vegas, Lilly goes into labor...okay, now I remember.**

**When Lilly went into labor, Oliver was...let's say he was slightly inconvenienced- there really ain't no classy way to say he was in Vegas drunk to the point where he was talkin' like that Yoda guy.**

"Baby coming," a drunk Oliver could barely stand upright (let alone talk). "Daddy gonna be am I." He grabbed on to Rico for both point emphasis and balance. "Hospital must to we get now."

Rico pulled Oliver off of him. "Dude, there's like a long wait at the valet stand and I'm not driving you in my car when you're like this. I'll just get us a cab."

"Yeah good luck getting a cab," some random guy standing next to a random girl said to them. "It's impossible because of the big thing."

**Okay the guy didn't exactly say 'big thing'; but I can't for the life of me remember what was goin' on in Vegas that weekend. But one thing was for sure...**

Now Rico and Oliver could panic.

"We're stuck in Las Vegas!"

"Vegas Las stuck in are we!"

...

Jackson and Miley burst into Lilly's apartment. "Lilly, it's gonna be fine!" Jackson was practically yelling. "We are not freakin' out! WE ARE NOT FREAKIN' OUT!"

Lilly was sitting on the couch clutching her stomach and trying not to panic. "Thanks Jackson, I feel calmer already."

"Come on, we gotta get you to the hospital!"

"My doctor says she won't admit me until my contractions are five minutes apart."

"Relax, ya'll," Miley was surprisingly calm. "I got this covered. While doin' some farm stuff in Crowley Corners with Travis a couple years ago, I saw some things that weren't pretty."

"Uh...what exactly does that mean?"

"It means she helped deliver some foals on Travis' ranch," Jackson explained.

Miley nodded as she dug through her purse for supplies. "Yeah, Travis neglected to tell me I came in the middle of foalin' season. And because I was the one with the skinniest arms I had to get all up in Mama horse's business. I'm talkin' elbow deep. I lost a bracelet while-"

"STOP!" Lilly interrupted. "Aren't I in enough agony?"

"You know what you need," Jackson pulled out his phone, "is what everyone woman in labor needs. A kickass birth announcement!" He passed his phone to Lilly. "Go on, tell me how awesome that is."

"'Lilly's cervix is dilating and we want you all to be a part of it's _grand opening_ '," after Lilly read that aloud, both she and Miley simultaneously 'ewwwwed'. "Jackson, you are not sending that to anyone EVER!" Lilly winced. "I think what I need now is distraction from the pain. Tell me a story."

Miley sat down beside. "What kinda story?"

"I don't care, anything."

"Uh..." Miley tried to think quickly.

Lilly doubled over in pain. "Sometime today, please."

Now Miley was staring to get frantic. "Don't rush me, I can't think under pressure!" When Lilly cried out in pain, Miley let out a similar cry. "I am not panickin'! I AM NOT PANICKIN'!"

...

"Don't panic," Rico was trying to assure Oliver back in Vegas. "I, RICO," Rico triumphantly rolled out his 'Rs', "promise to get you back to California in time before the birth of your child."

"There's a catch," Oliver flopped up his hand signifying that he was right as Rico continued on.

"And when I succeed-"

"Don't you mean _if_?"

"When I make a RICO," he rolled on the 'Rs' again, "Promise, I fulfill said promise. Now, _when_ I succeed, I ask for one thing in return."

"Rico, I can't pay you back for all that coffee you just poured down my throat."

"Relax, I'll take that out of your pay. All I ask, is that you name the baby after me."

"Whaaaat?"

"I'm not saying you can use it as a first name- after all there is only one perfect Rico," Rico smirked at some attractive women nearby. "You and Lilly don't know what you're having, it's fairly obvious she's having a boy, so name your kid whatever stupid name you want and use Rico as his middle name."

"How do you know it's a boy?"

"All the signs are there."

"How do you know the signs?"

"I'd rather not go into detail with that."

"What does that even-"

"Do you want me to get you back for the birth in time or not?"

"Yes!"

"Then promise me you'll give your child the middle name Rico or you can find your own way back." Rico held out his hand. "Do we have a deal?"

Oliver sighed. "Okay fine," he shook Rico's hand.

"Excellent."

"Now how are we going to get back?"

Rico guided Oliver toward the center of the casino where a motorcycle was displayed. "We get our hands on that motorcycle."

"And how are we going to do that? The only way to win that motorcycle is to play on those machines."

"You let me worry about that. Wait here, I'll be right back." Rico hurried off.

"Wha-" but Oliver didn't seem to notice his companion was gone...

...at least not until he heard the sound of a motorcycle engine. "Climb aboard my friend. Tonight, WE RIDE!"

"You won that?"

"I wouldn't exactly say 'won'," suddenly two security guards took Rico off the motorcycle and dragged him away.

...

"Okay, bye Nancy," Lilly angrily hung up her cell phone. "Thanks for deleting that announcement Jackson!"

"I meant to hit delete, but I accidentally pressed send," Jackson defended himself. "It was an honest mistake." He paused. "Did Oliver's mom like it?"

Lilly rolled her eyes before answering. "Yes, she liked it."

"Sweet!"

"Hey Lilly," Miley's tone sounded somewhat bitter, "I got another story 'bout one of Jackson's 'honest mistakes'," that last part was air quoted. "It happened at a party a while ago..."

_At a Party a While Ago_

_Miley was chatting up some cute guy when she noticed her brother come into the living room looking like he just took a beating in a fight. Usually, this implied bathroom trouble. She pulled out her phone._

**Jackson, r u ok?**

_She waited a moment for Jackson to text back..._

**No, I think it was them appetizers.**

_"Aw, ew," a guest scrunched up their nose in disgust. "What is that smell?"_

_Miley pointed to her brother and mouthed 'You?'. Jackson sadly nodded and mouthed back, 'Help me'._

_Miley put her phone away and made a noise to get everyone's attention. "What're ya'll talkin' 'bout? I don't smell nothin'. Now how 'bout we all go out to the patio and-"_

_"She who denied it, supplied it," Jackson's friend Max accused as he went over to his buddy._

_"Yeah," Jackson was using the laugh he used when he tried to be cool, "must've been them appetizers, right Mile?"_

_Pretty soon the entire room was laughing at her and the cute boy Miley was talking to didn't exactly back away slowly._

"That was not cool Jackson."

"Contraction!" Lilly cried out.

"That wasn't cool Jackson?" Miley was confused by that until she noticed Lilly holding onto her stomach in pain. "Lilly!"

"I'll be fine, just tell me another story! Even one I already heard."

"Yeah, and somethin' that doesn't embarrass any of us here," Jackson coldly added.

"Tell me about the mystery door!"

"Oh yeah, that's a good one! Okay so there we were a few months back at _Rico's Bar and Grill_..."

 _A Few Months Back at_ Rico's Bar & Grill

_Jackson, Miley, Oliver, and (a slightly less pregnant) Lilly were sitting at their usual table when they noticed Rico exit out of a blue door._

_"Hey," Jackson pointed, "I never noticed that door before."_

_Miley quirked a brow. "Don't you work here?"_

_"Not all the time, I mainly work at the surf shop. I guess I just never noticed that door before." Jackson kept staring at it. "Hmm, I wonder where it goes," he slowly got up and went to investigate. The others watched as he cautiously opened the door just enough to peek inside. Jackson breathed out, "Wow," walked forward, and let the door close behind him._

_"I uh..." Miley sounded apprehensive, "I should prob'ly go in after him and make sure he lives so Daddy don't get all upset and what not." She got up and slowly made her way over to the door. When she opened it to look inside, she gasped. "Good golly Miss Dolly," and stepped inside letting the door close behind her._

Jackson's story was cut off by Lilly's phone ringing. "Hello?" she listened on the other end, and then glared at Jackson, "so you got Jackson's e-mail then?" Jackson looked away and whistled. "No, I can't go until my contractions are five minutes apart...no, that's okay you really don't have to-" whoever was on the other end of the line hung up. "Great! Now your dad is gonna come by to wait with us."

"I know it might seem bad," Miley began, "but he might be helpful. He's been in this situation before."

"Twice actually," Jackson commented.

"I don't want your dad, I want Oliver!" Lilly moaned. "Oh God, where is he?"

**Turns out that despite havin' a massive amount of coffee poured down his throat by Rico, Oliver was still havin' trouble keepin' his balance and was relyin' on various casino machines and furniture to hold him upright. "I'm coming Lilly-Pop," he kept sayin'. But when Oliver got to the two sets of stairs that led to the casino...well let's just say it makes fer one heckuva YouTube video (especially when the old lady with the walker passes him).**

After another loud groan of pain, Miley found a solution to calm Lilly down, "How 'bout I tell you a story 'bout Daddy? A story I call 'Robby Ray and the Cursed Pants'."

Robby Ray & the Cursed Pants

_Robby Ray Stewart entered his house wearing a hideously ugly pair of plaid pants._

_"Daddy, please tell me there wasn't another rummage sale at the beach?"_

_"What?" Robby posed like a model. "I think they're cool."_

_"Well then you have a very strange idea of what's cool."_

_"Oh come on!"_

_"Seriously, you should be arrested for walkin' around in them pants."_

_Robby sighed "I guess I am startin' to worry 'bout these pants."_

_"What's-a matter Daddy, they too tight?"_

_"Naw, I think they're cursed."_

_Miley raised an eyebrow at him. "Cursed?"_

_"Ever since I put got 'em, some purty funky things've been happenin'. I stubbed my toe, I spilled my coffee-"_

_"You put on them pants." Robbie scowled at her. "Sorry, couldn't resist. You were sayin'."_

_"-and the lady sellin' 'em said no one's tried 'em on fer years. Can you believe that?"_

_"Yep."_

_"And look what I found in the pocket," Robby showed her a slip of paper with some Chinese writing on it. "Whaddya think it means?"_

_"I dunno. Where did the lady get the pants?"_

_"Somewhere in Chinatown."_

_"So why don't you go to Chinatown and have it translated."_

_"Good idea, Bud."_

_Robby Ray drove to Chinatown until he came across the same writing on a building. Entering the building, the place gave on some sort of spooky, mystical feeling. "'Scuse me," he went over to the elderly Chinese man with a long beard in a black robe, "I found this in the pocket of these pants."_

_The Chinese man took the paper, read it over, and gasped. "It is you; the one has arrived," he went behind the curtain that led to the back of his store._

_Robby couldn't help but notice smoke billowing on the side. "Dang flabbit," he said aloud to himself trying to fight back nerves._

_Soon the old man returned with a matching shirt that went with the pants. "Dry cleaning $21.50."_

Lilly screamed out in pain again. "Okay that is it, we are gettin' you to the hospital."

"Not yet!" Lilly protested. "Not without Oliver!" another cry. "Oh Ollie-Pop where are you?"

...

"I'm coming Lilly-Pop," Oliver managed to crawl up the stairs just as Rico sauntered over to him.

"Hey bro," Rico casually greeted.

"How did," Oliver started spouting out incoherent jumble, "with the security and the vroom vroom?"

"Simple."

_In the Security Room of the Casino_

_"I promise, I was gonna give it back!" Rico was telling the cops. "If you like, I could bribe you for it, I am filthy rich after all."_

_One of the security guards adjusted the lamp on the table to shine in Rico's face. "You_ _better give us a pretty darn good reason not to call the authorities on you."_

_"Go ahead," Rico seemed confident, "but first, show me the rule that says you can't ride a motorcycle on the casino floor." He slid the book toward the guard. "Go ahead, I'll wait."_

_Rico did just that as the security guard went through the book. "It's not in here." With that, Rico proudly put his feet on the table._

Rico and Oliver directed their attention to a staff member putting up a sign that read

_**NO MOTORCYCLES ON THE CASINO FLOOR** _

"Anyway," Rico continued, "when they let me go I ran into this guy," it seemed out of nowhere some large man was standing next to them. "His name is Felix and he used to be a limo driver in San Francisco."

"Uh, okay."

"Now he drives a bus. And lucky for you, two seats opened on his bus to California." Rico pulled Oliver in close. "Even better: the bus is full of hot college seniors."

**Wrong! Rico and Oliver found themselves sittin' in the middle of a bus with a bunch of old people tryin' to keep themselves cool in a bus with no air conditionin'.**

"Okay," Rico started, "he may not have said the word 'college'."

...

When Robby Ray came into Lilly and Oliver's apartment, he came upon three people crying out in pain. One person was (naturally) Lilly and the other two were Jackson and Miley, whose hands were being crushed in Lilly's grip. "I was hopin' the screamin' wasn't comin' from this place. Guess I was wrong."

Lilly let out another series of deep breaths and let go of the Stewart kids' hands. "Well that one wasn't too bad." Once freed from Lilly's grasp, Jackson and Miley held their injured hands closer to themselves while trying not to cry.

"So, how we doin'?" the other three looked incredulously at Robby. "I'll just sit somewhere and try not to get involved."

"No Dad," Jackson stood up, "Lilly's contractions are now five minutes apart. You have to drive us to the hospital."

"No!" Lilly protested again. "No, I can't go to the hospital without Oliver!"

"Alrighty then, " Miley pushed the coffee table aside and propped up some pillows. "Get yerself comfortable Lilly 'cause I'm deliverin' this baby. Someone get me some rubber gloves!"

Lilly went over to Robby Ray as fast as she could and grabbed his arm. "Get me to the hospital!"

"Okey dokey, I'll go and get yer bags." Robby went to Lilly and Oliver's bedroom.

Lilly turned to look at the Stewart siblings. "Guys I'm really scared."

Miley rushed over to Lilly. "Lilly, it's okay. Ev'rythin's gonna be fine."

Jackson also went over to Lilly's side. "Lils, is there anythin' we can do before we go?"

"Yeah," Lilly nodded. "Yeah, can you finish that door story?"

"Okay, so Miley and I found out what was behind the mystery door..."

The Continuation of the Mystery Door

_Rico noticed Lilly and Oliver alone at their table staring at the door. "Weren't there two other losers sitting here with you guys?"_

_Oliver gestured to the door. "They went to find out what's behind the mystery door over there."_

_Rico gasped. "They didn't?" Oliver looked at Rico with wide, curious, yet terrified eyes. "Nobody is supposed to know what's behind that door," Rico stormed toward the door, opened it, and let it close behind him._

_Oliver grabbed on to his wife. "Lilly, I'm scared."_

_Lilly pushed him off. "Man up, Oliver. I'm sure it's not that bad," she got out of her seat._

_"Lilly, no! Think of the baby!"_

_"Don't be so dramatic." Lilly went over to the door, opened it, muttered out, "Whoa," walked forward, and let the door close behind her._

_Oliver let out a high-pitched squeal. He sat at his table alone for a few moments before anxiously getting up and making his way to the mystery door. He took a deep breath, opened the door..._

_...and screamed in high-pitched terror as four people yelled "BOO!" from inside a janitorial supplies closet._

Lilly laughed. "Yeah we got him good that time." She then doubled over in pain and began to pant.

"C'mon Lilly," Miley lowered herself to Lilly's level, "breathe," Miley gave the typical demonstration on how Lilly should breathe. "You're doin' real good, Lil."

"Okay," Robby came into the living room carrying the bags. "I got the bags; let's git-r-done."

"Jackson, get the door," Miley instructed as she helped Lilly stand upright. "Daddy, get us to the hospital as fast as ya can. We're havin' a baby!"

Lilly glared at her. "Who's this we?"

_**to be continued...** _


	3. Coming Together

**When we got to the hospital, I was shocked to learn Lilly's doctor, Dr. Reilley, was formerly Joannie Palumbo, an ex-girlfriend of Oliver. Apparently, Joannie- who oddly enough recently married Jackson's friend Max without Jackson's knowledge- was now a certified doctor and Lilly and Oliver agreed to be her first patients if Joannie gave 'em a discount. Plus Lilly said Oliver wanted a lady doctor. But if I was Lilly, I don't think I'd be comfortable with one my man's exes gettin' a lil' too familiar with me (if ya know what I'm sayin').**

**But hey, it wasn't as if this day couldn't get any more awkward. Oh wait, yes it could! Turns out, there was also a pleasant lil' surprise fer Lilly.**

"What do you mean I can't have an epidural?"

**Oh yeah, that definitely made things better.**

Joannie began taking off her gloves after examining Lilly. "You're too far along and things are moving a lot faster than expected."

"Joannie," Lilly beckoned for Joannie to come closer, "yeah, come here." Dr. Reilley did as her patient requested. "If your hands are tied medically just leave the epidural on the table and walk away."

"Lilly, relax. You're making great progress. At the rate you're going the baby will just slide out...like on a water slide," Lilly screamed out in agony. "Albeit a slightly painful waterslide." Joannie tossed the rubber gloves in the nearby trashcan. "I gotta step out for a second, I'll be right back," Joannie left the room.

"Oh my God," Lilly started flailing her hand around, "here comes another contraction."

"Not it!" the Stewarts all backed away from her.

"I think I'm gonna get me somethin' to drink," Robby Ray decided to leave the room as Lilly began another series of screams.

"Okay people this is gettin' serious," Miley decided to take action by taking a pair of rubber gloves from the doctor's hospital tray on the side of the bed. "Lilly Oken, I am gonna get that baby out of you!"

"Uh Miles," Jackson began, "I really don't think-"

"Jackson, please," Miley scoffed. "I've seen them health videos and I've delivered baby horses. I think I can handle this." Miley looked between Lilly's legs. "Oh look, I can see the top of the head."

And then Miley fainted.

When Joannie heard the thud, she came back into the room. "Ugh," she snapped her fingers at Jackson. "Get her out of here!"

"Yes, ma'am," Jackson scooped his sister up and dragged her out of the room.

Robby, who had gotten some water, came back in time to hold the door open for his kids. "Yep," he took a sip as he watched his son drag his daughter to the waiting room, "I remember my first time in the deliv'ry room."

"Great," Joannie pushed Robby toward Lilly, "then you'll stay with her." She took her place at the end of the bed at Lilly's legs. "Okay, it shouldn't be much longer before you can start pushing."

"Yer talkin' to Lilly right?" Joannie glared at him. "Well we were carryin' on a conversation before ya said that."

"Joannie," Lilly gestured for Joannie's attention, "yeah, Joannie, I'm not feelin' the whole pushing thing right now. Can we try in another couple of hours?"

Joannie let out an exasperated sigh. "You're not really gonna have much of a choice in this matter. You are having this baby with or without your husband here." Lilly started to cry out in pain. "And you are having it soon."

Following the last contraction, Lilly leaned back on her bed with tears starting to form in her eyes. "Oliver, where are you?"

...

"Hey, uh, Felix," Oliver was standing on the bus full of old people next to the driver, "where exactly does this bus get off?"

"Good ol' San Francisco," Felix answered.

Oliver sucked air through his teeth. "Uh yeah, that's gonna be a problem for me. See my wife is labor and I have to get off at the next exit to Malibu, which actually isn't that far from San Francisco."

"Yeah that's all well and good Mr. Geography Man, but I can't stop anywhere but San Francisco."

Rico pushed past Oliver and leaned toward Felix. "Listen, Felix, maybe you won't listen to my friend Mr. Oken," Rico displayed a crisp $50 bill, "but maybe you'll listen to my friend Mr. Grant."

"Sorry guys, I'm not allowed to stop; it's the rules."

"Okay look," now Rico was being sincere, "this guy has been with his girl since...since forever basically. I really don't like to be nice and help people, but I made him a promise he'd get back in time for the birth of his first child, and he deserves to be at that birth. Plus when I make a promise, I keep it."

"Look, that's real sweet and all, but I'm not allowed to stop unless there's an emergency. So sit down witcha friend, watch _Rocky 9,_ and don't try to bribe me again unless you got $100 bill."

A dejected Rico turned to Oliver. "I'm sorry man, I tried."

**But then, somethin' wonderful happened.**

An old lady stood up with her hand across her chest. "I'm having a heart attack."

Rico and Oliver quickly turned around as an old man stood up. " _I'm_ having a heart attack."

And finally, another old lady rose. "I'm having a heart attack, and my doctor is a doctor at the hospital in Malibu."

"Oh yeah, so is mine," the old man quickly added.

"Mine too," the first old lady finished. "And my son is head of cardiology."

"We know," all of the other elderly passengers on the bus griped in unison.

...

Robby Ray was actually being a big help to Lilly as she finished panting through another contraction. "You're doin' real good, Lil." She whimpered to him. "Yeah I know you wish Oliver was here, but you're brave enough to do this with or without him. And listen, ya got Miley, and Jackson, and me all here rootin' for ya."

"Thanks Mr. Stewart, that actually kinda helped."

"I heard the kids tellin' ya stories on the way to the hospital to take yer mind off the pain."

"Yeah, it wasn't really working."

"Ya want me to tell ya one more story?"

Lilly nodded. "Can you make it an Oliver story, please? I don't care if it's one I already know I'd just really like an Oliver story right now."

Robby chuckled. "Alrighty. I think I'm gonna tell ya a story that happened just a few months ago at a friend's weddin'..."

...

_A Few Months Ago at a Friend's Weddin'_

"Thanks a lot," Oliver got off the phone with the manager of his band. He then made his way over to the table where Jackson, Miley, Robby Ray, and Jackson's Minnesota friend, Thor, were sitting. "Gentlemen-," Miley faked cough to get his attention, "-and Miley, it has now been confirmed that you are looking at the lead singer of the band who will be opening for Coldplay on their six month worldwide tour." The group at the table offered their congratulations. "So the next round of breakfast is on me." That garnered a bigger celebration.

"So Oliver," Miley began, "how does Lilly feel about this?"

Oliver shrugged. "I dunno, she's kinda been avoiding me."

"I betcha it has somethin' to do with the teachin' job ya'll were fightin' 'bout last night," Robby deduced.

"You heard that?"

"I think the entire hotel heard it," Jackson commented.

"I know it sounded bad, but we worked it out this morning. Lilly decided not to take the teaching job at that private school."

"She decided that after _that_ fight?"

"I dunno, she stormed out last night at some point. I guess she did some thinking before she came back to our room in the morning."

Thor swallowed his helping of pancakes before asking, "Was this 'round two in the mornin' last night?" he still talked with his heavy Minnesota accent.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well when I stopped for my usual two a.m. pre-breakfast, I saw yer lady across the street come outta a convenience store and get into a mysterious black car." Thor oohed to try to create suspense.

Miley gave him a strange look. "Seriously, what does Traci see in you?" This was in reference to Miley/Hannah's friend Traci Van Horne marrying Thor. Miley suddenly realized what Thor said. "Wait a minute, you saw _our_ Lilly get into someone else's car?"

"Now don't jump to conclusions," Robby Ray advised. "I'm sure there's a perfectly logical, reasonable explanation as to why Lilly got into a strange car at two in the mornin'."

"I'm sure there's also a good reason the car's license plate said 'Ahoy'," Thor brought up this little detail.

Oliver gasped. "The Captain."

Miley quirked a brow to him. "The Say What Now?"

"The Captain. He's a divorced parent of Marina, one of Lilly's favorite former students. He lives in a beach mansion near here. The Captain was the one who recommended Lilly to fill in for the kindergarten teacher job at some private school so she could teach his younger daughter Ariel."

"So maybe she got into the car for a work thing," Jackson suggested.

"At two in the mornin'?" even Miley didn't believe that.

"None of this makes sense!" Oliver was on the verge of an breakdown. "Lilly storms out of our hotel room a little before two a.m., Thor sees her at a convenience store shortly after, then Lilly gets in The Captain's black car- which is a Mercedes Town Car by the way- and this morning she's back at the hotel and she tells me she's not gonna take the teaching job? She must've gone to the Captain's Beach Mansion and The Captain must've said or done something to her to not make her want that job." Oliver pounded his fist onto the table. "I'm so mad, I wanna hit something!"

"So hit The Captain."

Oliver tuned to Miley. "Miley say what?"

"You're right. Somethin' happened that made Lilly turn down that job and The Captain is the prime suspect." Miley's hands hit the table before she stood up. "Boys, we've got a mystery on our hands."

"Oh no," Oliver, Jackson, and Robby Ray knew where this was going.

"And Miley Drew is on the case."

Thor leaned in closer to Jackson. "I thought her last name was Stewart."

"Come on fellas, let's go have a 'chat' with 'The Captain'."

"I call shotgun!"

Oliver drove Thor and the Stewarts to The Captain's Beach Mansion. Once out of the car Oliver rang the doorbell (which sounded like a foghorn) and The Captain promptly answered. "Ahoy, Oliver!" Oliver punched The Captain right in the face. Putting his hand to his injured face, The Captain kept poised as he gestured for everyone to enter his living room. "So Oliver-and company-to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Captain, I know something happened here between you and Lilly last night."

"No, nothing happened, Captain's Honor. If you don't believe me, you can ask my fiancée."

"Fiancée? What fiancée?"

"Captain," right on cue, a familiar looking young woman in a blue sailor dress entered, "permission to clear everything up?"

"Permission granted," The Captain allowed.

"Me," she flashed her ring, "we're engaged."

"Hey I know you," Jackson recognized her. "You're the 'Boats, Boats, Boats' girl from those commercials," he then very quickly added, "And that's the only way I know you!"

Robby pointed to the girl. "Jackson, didn't you go on a failed date or two with this girl?"

"Okay focus, people!" Miley brought back the focus. "Mr. The Captain, Sir, tell us everythin' that happened here last night with Lilly."

"Very well," the Captain thought back. "It was just after four bells..."

_The Captain answered his ringing phone. "Ahoy!"_

_"Hi Captain, it's Lilly Oken," Lilly was on the other end of the line. "Listen, I know it's late, but I need to get out of here."_

"So I sent a car to pick her up," The Captain continued. "But when she came here."

_'Boats, Boats, Boats' answered the foghorn doorbell. "Lilly, what a lovely-"_

_"Can I use your powder room?" Lilly interrupted._

"Yes, she went to the powder room," The Captain remembered, "and it seemed quite urgent. I should also note that she was in there for a lengthy period of time. Yet the oddest thing was that when she came out, she had to leave right away. So I can assure you, Oliver, that nothing inappropriate happened between me and your wife."

"Captain," Oliver was still flustered, "I understand what you're saying. But what you don't understand is that Lilly is my wife and I love her way too much to behave rationally right now," he hurried over to the wall above the fireplace mantle where two swords rested. He took a sword off the wall and pointed it at the captain. "En garde!"

"Sweet niblets," Miley, Jackson, and Robby Ray chorused simultaneously.

The ringing of a phone soon interrupted the moment. The ringing phone belonged to Miley. "Hello?"

 _"Miley, what the heck?" Once again, Lilly was on the other end of the line. "Traci is having a spaz attack and I'm the only one here who has to deal with her and I'm the one who clearly does not_ want _to deal with her. I thought you were at breakfast, but I can't find you guys."_

"Well-"

"I warn you Captain," Oliver was ready for a fight, "I've pretended to have a duel with actual swords twice."

"I warn you Oliver," The Captain was also prepared and had readied his sword, "I was on the Olympic fencing team and I won three gold medals."

_"Captain?" Lilly overhead what was going on. "Miley, where are you?"_

"We're at The Captain's nearby beach mansion," Miley told her.

_Lilly let out an "Eep!" and quickly hung up the phone. "I am so busted."_

Meanwhile, everyone at the Captain's Beach Mansion were anxiously watching Oliver and The Captain. When they touched swords, The Captain's fiancée took out a piece of gum and nervously began chewing.

Jackson tapped her shoulder. "I know this may not be the best time, but can I have a piece?"

Miley suddenly thought back to certain events that occurred during the course of the wedding weekend. The first clue, was an angry Lilly.

_"There has to be a reason Oliver hasn't showed up yet," Lilly was angrily pacing, almost as if something had her on edge. "There's something he's not telling me." She folded her arms against her chest. "So he's keeping secrets from me, eh? Well, two can play that game. I can keep secrets too!"_

_"No you can't," Miley had said._

_"Shut up, yes I can. I can keep a secret like nobody's business because it is nobody's business."_

And then Lilly let out her typical "Eep," and abruptly hung up just a few seconds ago over the phone. That raised a red flag for Miley. But even before the first clue, there was something that didn't really seem all that important; something that occurred during their hotel check-in.

_"Lils," Miley turned to her friend, "are you chewin' gum?"_

_"Yeah," Lilly answered back._

_"You never chew gum."_

_"I do, on occasion. I got into the habit of not chewing gum for Oliver's sake. But because Oliver isn't here, I think it's cool that I pop some gum." She took some gum out of her pocket. "Want some?"_

_Miley looked at the package. "Minty gum? Since when do you like minty gum?"_

_"Since I thought I grabbed tangy gum." Miley gave her a suspicious look, "and because I still have nasty morning breath."_

_"Mornin' breath? At two in the afternoon?"_

_"Don't judge me," Lilly stuck another piece of minty gum in her mouth._

"STOP THE DUEL!" Miley suddenly shouted.

Oliver lowered the sword. "Oh, thank God. Er...I mean," Oliver raised the sword and tried to act macho, "why?"

"Why? Because Miley Drew just solved this mystery, that's why!"

The Captain's fiancée leaned toward Jackson with a confused look on her face. "I thought her last name was Stewart."

Miley ignored that and continued. "Our Lilly has a secret. A secret that's got her all riled up like an angry bull chasin' a red-caped Bozo at a rodeo. She's hidin' somethin'...and I know what it is." she made herself comfortable in The Captain's chair.

Oliver gestured for her to continue. "What are you doing? Why aren't you telling us?"

"I'm pausin' for dramatic effect."

"OH MY GOD WILL JUST TELL US!"

"Dang boy," even Robby was startled by that, "ya coulda gave the girl her moment."

Miley rose. "Will everyone please be seated?" she tried to talk all fancy and elegant (which wasn't always easy when her southern accent stood out). No one did anything. "I ain't gonna continue with this unless ya'll sit down." They did as they were requested. "Okay," she regained her "fancy" composure, "this is the first time I've been in this stately beach mansion belonging to one...The Captain, but evidently, this isn't Oliver's first time." Miley leaned over the sofa and got in Oliver's face. "Is this true, Oliver?"

"Personal space please," Oliver gestured for her to back away.

"Answer the question, Oken."

"Okay, yeah I've been in here before with Lilly when The Captain hosted a party and invited us."

"Correction," The Captain held up his finger to accentuate a point, "I invited 'Lilly and Guest'."

"Yeah, and I'm 'Guest'."

"Movin' on," Miley began pacing behind the couch. "Oliver has been in this house before and has presumably seen the powder room."

"What does that have to do with-"

"Did you, or did you not, use the powder room at some point?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Could you describe this powder room."

"It was a bathroom, what else is there to describe? Why do you even-"

"Captain, could you describe this powder room?"

"Certainly," The Captain cleared his throat. "This particular powder room in question is reserved for guests only. It's an adequately sized lavatory facility facing the ocean with nautical themed decor and a potted plant on the window much like all the other bathrooms."

"What kind of plant?"

"A daisy."

"Otherwise known as Exhibit A! Captain, would you kindly fetch Exhibit A?"

"Aye, aye!" The Captain stood and went to fetch the potted plant.

"Oh my God, I totally solved it!" Miley was now at a bragging point as she began pointing to the people in the room going, "You didn't solve it! Did you solve it? No! You didn't solve it! I solved it!" The Captain returned with the flower pot and gave it to Miley. "Thank you." Miley put the plant on the nearby coffee table and sat in the nearest open chair. "Now, when a person gets really stressed out, what is a habit they do?"

Oliver spoke up after some silence. "Bite their nails?"

"Cry?" 'Boats, Boats, Boats' suggested.

"Write angry songs?" this was Robby Ray's suggestion.

"Churn butter?" this idea came from Thor.

"Watch hilarious animal videos on the internet?" Jackson felt the need to suggest.

"Go sailing!" The Captain proclaimed.

"Okay," Miley regretted asking that, "while those are all some...interestin' suggestions. I should have implied a _bad_ they do when they're stressed."

Oliver shrugged. "Smoke?"

"Exactly! Oliver, remember that one time Lilly was freakin' out about her teacher examination?" Oliver nodded. "What did we catch her doin'?"

"Go sailing?" The Captain proudly inquired.

"No."

Oliver remembered what they caught Lilly doing. "That's right, she was smoking."

"And supposedly, it was her first time doin' it."

"Yeah, and she said she didn't really like doing it either."

"But what if she secretly _did_? She had plenty of time to secretly smoke when you called her from Chicago and said the meeting with yer agent got rescheduled so you were stuck in Chicago for a couple more days."

"Yeah, that was the meeting where my _manager_ ," Oliver corrected Miley's mistake, "told us we were seriously considered to open for Coldplay's Worldwide Tour and that we needed to make a decision."

"Right, and 'cause Lilly was goin' to a weddin' of someone she don't like," Thor let out a sad gasp, "not you, Thor, I'm talkin' 'bout Traci," Thor let out a sigh of relief, "this seemed like a pretty stressful time. And I should note that Lilly drove up to the hotel _alone,_ which gave her more time to secretly smoke. Then when Lilly arrived at the hotel, she was chewin' gum."

"Yeah, Lilly likes to chew gum when she's not around me. So maybe this whole thing is about gum and not-"

"Boy, she ain't gonna stop when she thinks she's on a role," Robby cut him off. "Go ahead and get this over with, Bud."

"Thank you, Daddy," Miley thanked her father before going on. "The gum Lilly was chewin' was minty flavored, a gum that's typically used when a person has bad breath. When I asked Lilly 'bout this, she said she had mornin' breath. Mornin' breath, at two p.m.? Yeah, right."

"Miley, have you smelled Lilly's morning breath?" Oliver asked.

"Movin' on: Oliver arrived at the hotel the next day, told Lilly his news, he and Lilly had a really loud fight, and then Lilly stormed out. This gave her another opportunity to sneak in some smokin'- 'specially after a fight like the one we all heard. It's two in the mornin', the nearest open store is about three to four miles away, and you're prob'ly really upset so you're not thinkin' clearly and forget ya actually have a car in the hotel parkin' lot. How do you get to the convenience store?"

"Take a boat!" once again, The Captain.

"What no? Not only is that impossible, but she got a ride in _your_ car."

"Ah, yes, go on."

"The Captain sends a car, Lilly asks the driver to make a quick stop, she buys some cigarettes, but now there's another problem. Lilly's tryin' to get a new job at a fancy, schmancy private school and if you want that job, you wanna make a good impression. Smokin' in front of the guy who gave you the job recommendation? Prob'ly not a good idea. So when she gets to The Captain's Beach Mansion, she quickly goes to the powder room to smoke what is probably the last cigarette she can smoke in private. Okay, let's say you're Lilly and you just had a secret cigarette? How do you get rid of the cigarette butt? Flush it down the toilet?"

Oliver shook his head no. "No, Lilly doesn't like flushing anything besides toilet paper because she's afraid something will clog like that one time I'd rather not talk about."

"Throw it out the winda then?"

"Someone could easily find it outside," Jackson thought aloud.

"Plus Lilly doesn't really like littering," Oliver added.

"Maybe she could throw it in her purse?"

"And risk me or Oliver findin' it there?" Miley questioned back.

"How's 'bout throwin' it in the bathroom trashcan?" Robby asked.

"The Captain would find it there," the fiancée told them.

"Hide it in a boat!" everyone gave The Captain an incredulous look. "I don't know, I just like boats!"

"No," Oliver caught on to what Miley was implying, "Lilly cares about the environment. She'd hide it someplace where it could easily decompose and eventually become a natural mulch." Oliver clapped his hands and pointed at the flower pot. "It's in the daisy!"

"It's in the daisy!" Miley shouted back at him.

"Are you sure?" Jackson questioned.

Miley 'pffted', "Am I sure?" she began digging in the flower pot. "If I put my..." her face expressed upset disgust for a moment, "recently manicured hands," Jackson laughed, "in the flower pot and dig around, I'm sure to find...a-ha!" Miley had found something. "Behold the-what is this?" In her hands, Miley was holding a pregnancy test

A _positive_ pregnancy test.

"Must be some new kinda electronic smoke, eh?" Thor didn't realize what Miley was holding.

Miley's eyes wandered from the plus sign on the test, to Oliver. "Oliver?" she set the test down in front of him, "Oliver, are you okay?"

For Oliver, it suddenly all made sense. Lilly wasn't smoking, he knew she didn't like smoking. She must've been chewing gum to cover up the fact that she had been throwing up-she usually brushed her teeth if that happened, but she didn't have access to a toothbrush when she was driving her car.

When Oliver picked up the test, he thought back to the fight he and Lilly had last night...and the last thing he said to her before she left.

_"So what if you did decide to go in a different life direction? Where would I be, huh? Did we get together because someone already won first place? Am I, our life together, our marriage, and any kids we may have just some consolation prize?"_

_A few tears escaped Lilly. "I have to get out of here," she wiped her eyes as she hurried out of their hotel room. As Lilly made her way into the lobby, she stopped. "I can't wait." She called The Captain, stopped at the store, made it to the beach mansion where she quickly went to the powder room and took the test. "Two minutes," she said to herself after she was finished. Lilly anxiously waited in the bathroom and when the alarm on her cell phone went off, she looked down at her test._

The same test Oliver was now holding in his hands. "We have to get back to the hotel," he quickly got up and left.

"Hey Miles," Jackson was smirking, "you might wanna wash your hands before we go."

Miley scoffed at her brother. "It's just a lil' dirt, Jackson."

"I wasn't talkin' bout the dirt."

Miley realized Jackson what Jackson meant. "Ew, ew, ew, ew!"

Lilly was standing in the corner when her hotel door was unlocked and Oliver hurried in with an entourage behind him. "Lilly," he stopped and began moving toward Lilly at a slower pace, "we're gonna have a baby?"

The tears were welling in Lilly's eyes. "I told you I could keep a secret." Oliver rushed over to her, pulled her close, and kissed her with such tender passion. Lilly was the first to let go. "This isn't exactly how I wanted you to find out. I was gonna surprise you tonight before I told everyone else and stole Traci's thunder."

"Oh my God, there's so much we have to do. We have to find a doctor...and we...we have to get everything checked out before your interview."

"My interview? Oliver, I told you I'm not taking that job, especially now. I have to help you get everything ready before you go on tour with-"

"I'm not going on tour."

"What?"

"What?" even the rest of the group was surprised by this.

"You heard me," Oliver's expression was hard to read. "I'm not going."

Lilly's expression, however, was upset concern. "But Oliver that was your dream."

Oliver put his arms around Lilly's waist, " _This_ is my dream." And now the tears came pouring down. "Lilly, I love you so much," he pulled his wife in for another embrace.

"We'll give ya'll some privacy," Robby ushered everyone out of the room and quietly closed the door behind him while Oliver and Lilly stayed in their embrace.

...

Lilly gave Mr. Stewart a hug, which he reciprocated until pain seared through Lilly and she dug her fingernails into his back. "Ow, ow, ow!" Robby pulled her off of him.

"Thank you for the story, Mr. Stewart, that really helped."

Robby rubbed his back. "That really hurt."

There was a brief crash outside followed by Lilly's door bursting open and someone shouting, "LILLY-POP!"

"OLLIE-POP!" Lilly held out her arms for him to fall into.

Oliver was the first to back away. "I see she didn't dig her fingernails into _your_ favorite shirt," Robby bemoaned to him.

Oliver patted Robby's shoulder. "Thanks for everything Mr. Stewart, I can take it from here."

"Boy, you better."

"Thanks Mr. Stewart," Lilly thanked him as he left. She then directed her attention to Oliver. "Ollie-Pop, I'm so glad you made it."

"Me too Lilly-Pop," Oliver gave her a quick kiss. "I wish I could've been here sooner."

"You're here now, that's what counts."

"Hey, uh, funny story, and you may hate me for this."

"As if the pain I'm in that _you_ caused wasn't bad enough?"

"Okay, fair enough. Anyway...I may have promised Rico we'd use his name as our baby's middle name."

"You did what?!"

"But that's only because he promised to get me here in time, which he did."

"Our child's middle name will NOT be Rico!"

"But I'm afraid of what he's gonna do to me if I don't keep up my end of the deal."

"I don't care! No daughter of mine is going to have the middle name Rico."

Oliver shot a bewildered look at Lilly. "Daughter?" Lilly bit her lip and turned her head away. "Lilly, are we having a girl?"

"What's this 'we' crap?"

"Lilly."

Lilly let out her 'busted' sigh. "I'm sorry Oliver, I didn't want to wait to find out. Please don't be mad at me."

"Mad? Lilly, I'm not mad."

"You're not?"

"How can I be mad when I'm witnessing the birth of our daughter?"

"Aww, Oliver."

"Ahem," Joannie cleared her throat. "Is it okay if I deliver this baby now?"

...

Miley was holding an ice pack to her head in the waiting room. "I can't believe I fainted. I've seen all them videos, I actually birthed some baby horses, why did I pass out?"

"It's diff'rent when it's someone you love," Jackson advised. "C'mon Miles, it was pretty obvious you weren't gonna get all up in your best friend's business."

Miley let out a small laugh. Then she lowered her ice pack and got serious. "Jackson, I know things haven't been alright between us, but Lilly and Oliver are havin' a baby. I want our godchild to be born where we're okay so I wanna apologize." Miley sighed. "It was all my fault anyway."

"Miley, you-"

"No, it was. I was the one who came to Daddy's house angry and I took it out on you. You were just tryin' to defend yourself. I was just lookin' for a fight I could win."

"A fight you could win? What's that s'posed to mean?"

Miley paused before finally confessing, "Jesse and I had another fight. I think this time it's really over between us."

"I'm sorry, Miles."

"Me too, Baby Girl," Robby Ray entered the waiting room, "but even as sorry as I am fer ya, you really needed to apologize to yer brother first."

"Me?" Miley tried not to get defensive. "Why should I have been the one to-"

"'Cause it was yer fault. And I know Jesse hurt ya, but did ya ever stop to consider Jackson was hurtin' too?"

"Dad," Jackson tried to stop Robby, "you really shouldn't-"

"And the last thing ya said to him must've really crushed his soul."

"Dad, please-"

"Why?" Miley interrupted this time. "What happened?"

"Did you know why yer brother came over to the house to begin with?" Robby questioned. Miley shook her head no. "Go on, tell her son."

Jackson refused. "Dad, I don't-"

"It's best ya tell someone."

Jackson sighed. "Before I came to Dad's, I got an invitation in the mail to a weddin'." He took a deep breath. "Siena's weddin'."

"Siena?" Miley's jaw nearly hit the floor.

**Siena. Siena was the girl Jackson fell in love with, and she loved him back. He asked her to marry him and she said yes. But on the day of the weddin', she jilted him. She did leave a note sayin' she wasn't ready to get married and settle down, but that she still loved him. I was so mad at her! I still am. And then for Jackson to tell me that she's marryin' some other guy not even a full year after she left him at the altar!**

**This made my fight with Jesse seem pretty insignificant in comparison.**

"Jackson..." Miley was at a loss for words, "Jackson, I don't know what to say."

Jackson gave a shrug in response. "You didn't know."

"I feel awful! I come in complainin' 'bout men and when you try to speak up, I shove all my problems down your throat without even thinkin'. I am so, so sorry."

"I'm sorry too. I didn't know you and Jesse had fought and I said some mean things too."

Miley remembered the last thing she had said to Jackson the day of the fight. "Not as mean as the last thing I said to you."

_Miley & Jackson's Fight_

_The Stewart Siblings had been engaged in another family feud for the past few minutes never once considering the other's feelings. Insults were hurled, regretful remarks were spoken, but Miley wasn't aware of how her words hurt when she shouted to her brother. She was giving off another list of negative things about Jackson. "...and that I'm sure is just one of_ MANY _reasons why no girl will ever, I mean_ NEVER EVER _marry you._

_It was at this moment that their father finally came downstairs. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! What is goin' on down here?"_

_"Nothin'," Jackson grabbed his things, "I'm leavin'," he left the house angry, slamming the door behind him._

"Had I known, I never woulda..." Miley stopped herself. "Jackson you have nothin' to be sorry for, this is all my fault." She let out a breath. "I'll never forgive myself for what I said."

Jackson put his hand atop his sister's. "But I'll forgive ya."

"Really?" Jackson nodded. "Thank you, Jackson," Miley pulled her brother in for a hug.

"Hey," an excited Rico ran in the waiting room, "it happened!"

"Lilly had the baby?"

"What? No." Rico held up two large packs of Gummy Bears. "Two large packs of Gummy Bears for fifty cents each," he practically tore open the bag. "It's like I don't even care what happens for the rest of the day."

"Cool, can I-" Rico protectively held the candy close to him and hissed at Jackson, causing him to give a startled jump. "Alright, I can take a hint."

"C'mon Rico," Miley reprimanded, "cut the guy some slack."

"Okay fine!" Rico handed Jackson one Gummy bear, "next time, I start chargin'."

The double doors opened and Oliver (wearing a teal hospital uniform) made his way into the waiting room. Miley was the first to eagerly run over to him. "Well?"

Oliver blew out a breath. "I'm a dad." Miley continuously bounced before giving Oliver a big hug, Jackson pulled Oliver in for a 'bro' hug, and Robby Ray shook Oliver's hand.

"Here," Rico gave Oliver two Gummy Bears, "as a token of my congratulations."

"Thanks, I guess."

"Congratulations, Oliver!" Miley couldn't contain her excitement. "Can we see the baby? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please?"

"Come on," Oliver led them down the hall and into a room where Lilly sat on a hospital bed cradling a tiny human in a pink blanket.

"Awww," Miley and Jackson instantly swooned.

"Why is your son in a pink blanket?" Rico questioned.

"Sorry Boss, but I think you misread a couple signs," Oliver took his place beside Lilly.

"Wait, does that mean it's a girl?" Miley asked for clarification.

"Yeah," Lilly's answer garnered a happy squeal from Miley. "And no, her middle name is not Rico."

Surprisingly, Rico seemed okay with this. "It's cool; I'll let it slide..." he glared at Oliver, "...for now." a somewhat frightened Oliver inched closer to Lilly.

"Anyway, we couldn't really think of a middle name so we kinda got lazy and used my middle name for her middle name."

"That's all fine and good," Miley started, "but what's her first name?"

Lilly looked at Oliver expectantly, but Oliver gestured for her to go on. "Everyone, this is Daisy Rose Oken."

"Daisy?" Miley looked at Oliver. "You mean like the time-" Oliver nodded. "Awww."

"Might as well start a flower trend, right?" Daisy began fussing. "Oh, I think someone wants her daddy," Lilly gingerly passed the newborn to Oliver.

**Let me tell ya'll, this was one moment I don't think I'll ever forget. As I watched this scene, the thought occurred to me, "Wow, these two are parents". I couldn't help but picture every embarrassing, humiliatin', dumb moment Lilly and Oliver had throughout the years (in montage format). But then...then I couldn't help but think about how far these two had come.**

**And boy how far have they come.**

Miley scooted close to her father and rested her head on his shoulder as she watched another father with his daughter.

"Oh yeah," Oliver looked up with a proud smile on his face, "this is way better than Coldplay."

Miley wiped back some tears. "I am so happy for you guys. I'd really like to stay longer, but right now there's somethin' I gotta do."

"That's cool, do what you gotta do." Lilly was fine with it. "We'll see you later, right?"

"Definitely," Miley gave them another hug, planted a tender kiss atop her goddaughter's head, and went back into the waiting room. Pulling out her phone, she made the call.

"Hi, Jesse, it's Miley. Look, I'm sorry it's a lil' late but...no, _I'm_ sorry. I was bein' stubborn and I really didn't think about how it made you feel...I also wanted to call to tell ya that I'm a godmother...it's great, everyone's fine, and Baby Daisy is so beautiful..."

**Well, I guess this wraps everythin' up (thank goodness, 'cause I think I maxed the word limit on this blog post). If ya'll wanna leave any comments or messages fer Daisy I'll be sure to give 'em to Lilly and Oliver. And yeah, I'll definitely be puttin' up pictures soon. Til then, thanks fer readin'.**

**Ya'll come back now, ya hear.**


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